Blu-ray News and Reviews | High Def Digest (2024)

Overview -

Blu-ray Review By: Matthew Hartman
The holidays are crazy, but Christmas films can be insane! Buckle up for the pure cinematic mindblowing chaos of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians & Other Holiday Hallucinations from AGFA. With the main feature and shorts, you’re looking at over four and a half hours of pure Christmas mayhem preserved and presented in the best possible A/V quality - which isn't saying a whole lot considering - but the disc is a hoot. Recommended

Ranking:

It’s rare but it happens, there are just some discs I honestly don’t know how to properly review. AGFA’s new Blu-ray of Santa Claus Conquers the Martins & Other Holiday Hallucinations is one of those cases. We have one of the strangest, weirdest, craziest holiday children’s films presented as a roadshow with shorts and trailers for other Santa and Christmas-themed oddities. Then we have fourteen more holiday shorts to endure including the incredibly bizarre The Liberace Christmas Special among many others! So where do you start?

I guess the best place to dig in is the main feature Santa Claus Conquers the Martins. In case you haven’t seen this one, the film stars Pia Zadora before she got her Golden Globe as a Martian child pining for some Christmas cheer. With her brother, they obsessively watch Earth TV shows about Santa (John Call). To appease the children of Mars, her father and ruler of Mars, Kimar (Leonard Hicks) partners with the devious Voldar (Vincent Beck) and the Jar-Jar-level obnoxious Dropo (Bill McMucheon) to kidnap Santa and drag him back to Mars to make toys for the kids. But that leaves Earth without a Santa right before Christmas and the world’s superpowers are on high alert!

If you’re a MST3K fan you’re probably well versed in the antics of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and the adorable tune A Patrick Swayze Christmas contained therein. Truthfully, I can not watch this film straight. It’s an often hideously cheap production that goes long swaths of nothing happening without any music or real dialog to keep you invested. The last half is somewhat entertaining, but really at a certain point, I desperately need the riffing of Joel and the Bots. If I can’t have that, then I really do need to be on something to get me through.

I know in past reviews I’ve joked about some light drinking or mild narcotics usage to get through a tough film, but it’s a necessity in this case. I can handle the film sober for a while, I really can. But about the time when Dropo pops out of the radar shield box, I have to call it. Normally I’m a Scotch man for my brand of cinematic courage, but for this event, I suggest a half or quarter of the finest indica gummy you can legally purchase. You need something that’ll calm you down and allow the insanity to wash through your brain cells. I fear a sativa would just be too stimulating and you don’t need the paranoia on top of the visual insanity.

Then we get to the rest of the shorts and Christmas content contained on this bonkers disc. I can truly say I’m gobsmacked at the expanse of this collection of holiday shenanigans. Some are generally pretty good, especially a couple of the locally-produced small-budget TV pieces, but others are just flat-out strange. Then we have iconic television novelties like The Liberace Christmas Special - which is an amazing combination of “WTF is going on?” paired with true musical talent. I’ve always marveled at Liberace’s musical ability, but how he never stops smiling is honestly like watching the Joker without makeup. It’s rather creepy and unsettling! The special is in black and white so who knows, maybe his hair was actually bright emerald green with white face makeup and bright red lipstick and he’s just torturing an off-stage Robin with his antics? See, this is the kind of thing that came to mind while being slightly under the influence and watching this disc. There’s always clapping at the end of a song, but you never see the audience! Are we clapping unconsciously? Is this sound a reinforcement of Liberace’s own insanity and we’re merely along for the ride? Where’s his brother George? Where’s Scott Thorson!?! (He might not have been born yet). By the end, his entire family and Santa have entered the small stage for a party and it's just bizarre while simultaneously being rather entertaining.

To that point, days later and sober, the appeal of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians & Other Holiday Hallucinations is going to be for the select few who can endure hours upon hours of the weird, bizarre, and absolute Christmas strangeness it has to offer. Certainly not a disc stuffed with holiday content for everyone, but for those with the fortitude to not only endure but to enjoy, you’ll find this an essential acquisition for this year’s holiday celebrations. Thus I explain my full 5/5 rating.

Vital Disc Stats: The HD Blu-ray
In a disc that’s as stuffed as discs can get, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians & Other Holiday Hallucinations comes to Blu-ray courtesy of AGFA and Something Weird, via OCN Distribution. Pressed on a Region Free BD50 disc, the disc comes housed in a standard clear case with a post card, and another card with an essay by Something Weird’s Lisa Peltrucci. The disc loads to an animated main menu with basic navigation options.

Ranking:

All materials in this disc are presented in 1.33:1 and they’re a case of good as you’re gonna get because that’s all there is. Santa Clause Conquers the Martians itself is sourced from AGFA’s own archival 16mm print, and it’s in decent shape all things considered. I don’t have the 2012 KLSC disc to compare, but from different viewings via MST3k and a memorable midnight movie experience, this is a solid presentation. There are still plenty of nicks and scratches present, inherent softness remains, and some slight color fade here and there. Considering complete prints are rare, I’ll chalk this up as a win. The rest of the shorts and specials are a mixed back of what looks like film prints, tape masters, and then some that look like film-to-tape masters for television broadcasts. They all look like they were recorded on tape at some point and are likely the only surviving copies. Not a lot of details about the source for each of these elements are available (or that I could easily find). But even at their worst, they’re all watchable enough for you to enjoy the full holiday insanity experience.

Ranking:

The main feature and all of the shorts are all presented with DTS-HD MA 2.0 audio. And like their video transfer counterparts, they’re as good as the source - which can vary from one to the next. Overall Santa Claus Conquers the Martians sounds pretty great with decent dialog, the earworm opening theme song, and the sound effects are relatively clean and clear. Likewise, the various shorts all sound pretty good. Most of these I’d never seen before so as first-time watches they’re not always sonically remarkable so the DTS 2.0 tracks do their best to get through it as cleanly and clearly as possible. Some slight hiss is present in virtually all of the pieces, and some occasional crackles and dropouts do occur. But then, considering some of these are so rare most folks don’t know they exist, we’ll take what we can get and like it!

Ranking:

On top of the main feature, AFGA did a terrific job gathering a massive selection of additional Christmas shorts that are just as deranged and bizarrely conceived. Some are generally entertaining, and others are true “WTF is going on” material. As far as “bonus features” value goes, this collection can only be weighed by your own proclivities. Considering how ridiculous the whole set is, I had a gas working my way through these. Some I’d seen before, others were a brand new endurance. The Spirit of Christmas was a truly terrifying work of puppetry so watch out for that one.

• Santa Claus Conquers the Drive-In (SD 59:39)
• Short: A Christmas Dream (SD 8:38)
• Short: A Christmas Fantasy (SD 7:40)
• Short: Christmas in Toyland (SD 9:19)
• Short: Christmas Journey (SD 10:39)
• Short: Christmas Tree (SD 7:10)
• Short: The Christmas Visitor (SD 7:30)
• Short: The Liberace Christmas Special (SD 26:38)
• Short: Merry Christmas (SD 8:43)
• Short: The Night Before Christmas (SD 7:59)
• Short: A Present for Santa Claus (SD 8:14)
• Short: Santa in Animal Land (SD 9:11)
• Short: The Spirit of Christmas (SD 9:44)
• Short: A Visit from St. Nicholas (SD 4:14)
• Short: A Visit to Santa (SD 9:59)

So again, how do you rate an insane experience like AGFA’s Santa Claus Conquers the Martians & Other Holiday Hallucinations? As a fan of the weird and wild of cinema’s back allies and dark closets, I thought this collection of one of the strangest kid’s films with a parade of increasingly bizarre shorts and specials was a hoot. Granted, I wasn’t exactly 100% grounded in reality at the time of viewing, but I enjoyed the hell out of it. Certainly not one I’d rate for every collector out there, but if you’re into this kind of thing, this disc is stuffed with bonkers holiday cheer. While the overall A/V quality of the main film and subsequent shorts may be subjective, they’re all watchable and enjoyable, and considering you have so many hours of content to dig through I have to suggest itfor those demented physical media brats like myself out there that need to have something like this on the shelf. Whether for your enjoyment or a means to torture guests - Santa Claus Conquers the Martians & Other Holiday Hallucinations is Recommended

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